6 RELATIONSHIP KILLERS
March 28th, 2009 by nhenzkereiiIf you’ve lost the sense of accomplishment, excitement, release or inspiration you used to feel, it’s a good sign that you are dissatisfied with your own life path. The consequence can be devastating to your relationship, so make the commitment to reenlist the things that make you whole. Hobbies, physical outlets, relationships with others, or lost dreams might be some of the things that come to mind. You may think you can’t afford your goals or that you don’t have enough time to make them a priority, but it’s important to find a way. You may have to adjust the way you used to do things to make them fit into your current lifestyle, but where there is a will, there is a way. Your job is to identify what things you can involve yourself in that help you to feel invigorated and complete. If you have trouble making yourself a priority, do it for your family. Your partner and children deserve to have you at your best.
Unwillingness To Forgive And Trust Each Other
Trust is the foundation for a healthy relationship, and the one thing that is sure to break it is an unforgiving heart. No matter how hard you try to be perfect, you are going to do things that hurt each other. It’s how you bounce back from the disappointment that matters. Regardless of whose fault the negativity in your relationship is, you have the opportunity to do something about it. Begin by admitting to yourself that the resentment riding on your shoulders is probably interfering with your ability to see things accurately. Then, retract your claws, humble your heart, and reach out to your partner. You don’t have to take the blame to say you are sorry. You can be sorry about the hurt you both feel, about the break in your connection, and the lack of joy you have brought each other in the past. Soften your approach and your heart will follow suit. The situation you find yourself in is never as important as the dynamics of your relationship. Striving to be a team through steadfast forgiveness is much more important than proving your hyper-competence. Allow your partner room to make mistakes, and show them love anyway. Adjusting your priorities accordingly will allow the trust between you to grow stronger than ever.
Failure To See Your Partner As A Person Worth Respecting
Instead of demanding respect, give respect. The effect is contagious. Even if you think you are doing well in this area, do a little work to make sure you don’t let it fade. Here’s a simple exercise to help you focus on what you respect about your partner: Choose a topic, like family relationships (i.e. parenting, their relationships with siblings), something the two of you do as a team (i.e. community involvement, household chores, holiday planning), your partner’s individual activities (work, exercise, shopping, hobbies), or anything else you can think of. Make a list of all the things they do in relation to that topic that you admire (i.e. taking criticism well, working hard, seeing the positive side of things, generousity, loyalty, wit, creativity, patience.) You will be amazed at how much you really do respect your partner, and how little you show it. To take it a step further, take a lesson from your lover. Choose a couple of things from the list that aren’t your strong suites and strive to acquire them as well. Let your partner know when you see them doing something you admire (after making your list, you’ll find yourself noticing things more and more) and see how it affects your overall respect for each other.
Unwillingness To Accept Change
Mid-life crises, like other relationship killers, are completely preventable by learning to accept change with grace. Your life and your partner’s life are going to change… a lot. Just reflect on the differences between your life now and your life five or ten years ago. Some changes were good, some were necessary, but all have helped you to become who you are now. Life’s changes, your changes, and your partner’s changes should be welcomed as beautiful changing seasons. Curse the fall breeze and you will hate the winter, but dance in the autumn leaves and the winter’s snow will bring you peace.
Stagnant Lifestyles
Monotony is the dreaded kill-all for love, yet somehow, it can become the normal state of your relationship without you even noticing. When things are too even-keeled, without those times of excitement and romance, you don’t get the fill of energy that you will need to get you through the tough times. Fun, love, laughter and play are of the essence. Make sure you are getting plenty of all of that with your partner (as well as in other relationships). Embark on grand adventures together, lie in bed and make each other laugh, experience new things, surprise each other with romantic gestures, and spice up your sex life on a regular basis.
Lack of Intimacy
Physical intimacy and emotional intimacy go hand in hand and are of the utmost importance in a relationship. Most times, when people put intimacy on the back burner, it’s because their thoughts and emotions are flowing through the same old tracks in their brains, called neuropathways. You get trained to respond to things exactly the same way over and over again, until sex and date nights become just two more things that won’t ever get off your aggravating to-do list. It’s time to get real with yourself. How badly do you want a passionate romance? You probably want it more than you admit to yourself on a daily basis. You probably began this relationship with the hope of grand sensuality and fantastic, unbreakable bonds. What happened then? You got in a rut, and it’s time to break in a new path. Start fantasizing about your lover. Close your eyes and imagine you and your love in the perfect setting, kissing and making love. Don’t let any other thoughts pop in. If you struggle with that, do a breathing exercises (breathe in for 4 seconds, hold it for 7 seconds, breathe out for 8 seconds, repeat 5 times) and try again. Shake things up with sexy surprises, get away from your day to day life to spend time together, and don’t settle for anything less than your fantasy. Most of all, commit to achieving a higher level of intimacy and learn to love your partner with abandon.
